Everything in him is fighting against that. There are times when you
respect what a person wants for themselves, sure, no matter how much it
might stick in your throat. He's given McCoy time to be alone when he's
been sunk deep in something before, because everyone needs time alone to
feel the ugly feelings and shout and throw things. But he also can't count
how many times he's bulled his way into the other man's quarters when it's
been too long. To listen, to be yelled at if necessary, to join him in a
drink, to just be there.
Bones has done the same for him. Too often to think about. Like when they
lost those ten people over Hellevir III, and Jim was curled in a ball of
anger and frustration and regret over those ten letters back home to their
loved ones. Or when... when Winona finally told Jim her news.
Does he want to stay for his own selfish reasons, because he can't accept
this? Will it hurt Bones more if he stays?
Or is Bones telling him to go purely because he can't handle Jim getting
upset over him, and it'll just reinforce that he's not important?
He's breathing shakily with Bones' head against him, Bones' arms wrapped
around him.
"You shouldn't be comforting me," he says eventually. "That's not fair on
you. I'll deal with it, Bones. One way or another. I don't want to-"
Oh, just say it.
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Would - would it be selfish to stay?
Everything in him is fighting against that. There are times when you respect what a person wants for themselves, sure, no matter how much it might stick in your throat. He's given McCoy time to be alone when he's been sunk deep in something before, because everyone needs time alone to feel the ugly feelings and shout and throw things. But he also can't count how many times he's bulled his way into the other man's quarters when it's been too long. To listen, to be yelled at if necessary, to join him in a drink, to just be there.
Bones has done the same for him. Too often to think about. Like when they lost those ten people over Hellevir III, and Jim was curled in a ball of anger and frustration and regret over those ten letters back home to their loved ones. Or when... when Winona finally told Jim her news.
Does he want to stay for his own selfish reasons, because he can't accept this? Will it hurt Bones more if he stays?
Or is Bones telling him to go purely because he can't handle Jim getting upset over him, and it'll just reinforce that he's not important?
He's breathing shakily with Bones' head against him, Bones' arms wrapped around him.
"You shouldn't be comforting me," he says eventually. "That's not fair on you. I'll deal with it, Bones. One way or another. I don't want to-" Oh, just say it.
"I don't want to miss any time with you."